Who am I? I am ordinary, just like any girl you would see on the streets. I am nothing special, just ordinary, plain girl. I have been through a lot.. Fought through a lot of obstacles to be where I am.. today. Life hasn't been easy since it started in sec 4. I was in the worse class, people never thought I would make it, I was notorious, but I changed, but people's perspection would never change unless you prove it. I don't come from a rich family, my family is not perfect, in fact, we're struggling to make ends meet. Nevertheless, I made it to sec 5. To take my O's. I have been struggling ever since then. You want to know my result slips? I have always failed these subjects - Art, Maths, Sci.. The only subjs I would pass is English, Combine humanities &Mt. What good use can they be? I need maths, I need art to be in poly, and I need a cut off point of 10. Since Singaporeans are so unrealistic to make childhood phychology 10 points. The last time I passed maths was secondary 2. A2? That was the highest, and I'm proud of it. I am realistic. I'm aiming for at least 18. I don't ask for much. There's no courses I want to get into now. I'll get my results slip and I'll see what I can do about it. Honestly, I seriously think I'll end up in ITE anyway. My maths results are depressing. What is wrong with me? I don't know. I've been trying, who says I haven't? I don't have to explain do I? As long as I know I did it. I am far from perfect. This guy said I was ignorant, it has been etched in my mind ever since then.. I must be right you know? I cannot be wrong. I must win, I cannot lose. That's ego I guess, but I try very hard to hide it away from people. I'm not good at anything if you want to know. I used to play badminton but that didn't bring me very far.. I played volleyball in my secondary school years, for my past 5 years, I've been a failure. Though I rec'd medals.. but I don't feel anything for them. Except for one. That is this year's medal. We fought for it, I fought for it, sweat, tears.. pain. I did. And I got it, but still. I wasn't reconigized. They were called for u19, but I wasn't. I guess I felt like a fool. The worse thing? They got champs. Well this shows that everyone, everything is better off without me. I am worthless, priceless, and well. definitely useless. I am at loss you know? Somebody just said I couldn't take people's opinion.. Yes, I can't. I have my own flaws too you see. Why don't you put yourself into my shoes and try living as me for a day? I fight so many different and difficult decisions and emotions every single day. I don't share my problems with anyone else. I keep them to myself. I am so tired, I'm only 17. Why does the world has got to be so harsh to me? Been through so many set backs, but I'm still... weak. Weaker than ever. I'm always wrong, always.. I've always been giving in.. always. I'm so tired of being me. Just take me away already. I'm tired of almost everything people put me through. The ones that I thought wouldn't turn their backs on me, actually did. I am only human too you know? I don't think too highly of myself, I never did. I have always been humble. I don't have what it takes to think highly of myself. Why are you so harsh? Why are you not treating me right? I rmb you saying "I'll try not to hurt you as much so that you wouldn't numb yourself and then eventually I'll lose you". Remember? Those were the good days, good days. Now they are over. "But baby I'm tired, I'm tired of the fight I'm tired of the lonely days and the dark endless nights It's taken some time, 'cause I didn't know If I could ever let you go You helped me figure it out I'm better off alone" - Katherine mcphee "better off alone" I don't know what to do right now. I'm numb, seriously hurt by all the things you have said. Your words, they cut like a knife. Maybe E's right. "both of you are not meant for each other, you should leave and find someone better".
Do you feel my pain now? Can anyone hear my cries? I'm starving to be safe. Starving. I don't know what's over. You, me.. Or this relationship. Thank you for taking time to read this. Xoxo.
Nothing is eternal, even the sun will one day disappear. Remember this simple truth whenever you are suffering, - that the suffering too shall pass, - and it will become easier to bear.
What are friends for? Betraying? Neh, you got it all wrong. Have you seen yourself talking? Really. You say you didn't, but honestly, ask yourself. Did you? Well your conscience is probably guilty now eh? You did it, and you know it. You're not innocent. You never were for fuck sake.
What's wrong what's wrong now? Too many too many problems, don't know where she belongs. She wants to go home but nobody's home, that's where she lies, broken inside. No place to go, to dry her eyes.
All we have is really, really gone now. Now I draw a clear line between you &me. This way I stay motivated. No, please don't shower your care &concern for me, neither do I need your sympathy. I am better off alone. Don't worry, I won't even bother asking you any questions that I don't know. Everyday is a battle, battle with myself of course, now I just have to start.. I will. Prove you WRONG.
Today I learned : I can trust no one. Today I conclude : I will only give the best of me to 'O' lvls and not let anybody bring me down. I have been here, so far, only to prove that I can make it through this. I am not gonna give up when it's tough, I'm gonna fight for this. I ain't gonna fail, I'm gonna give my very best. I won't live in regret. I will prove to people that I can do this, this is something easy, I'm gonna overcome this. I'll pick myself up when I fall, I don't need help. I can do this. I can. The sky is my limit.
I am beyond repair. I can't believe the only person I wanted, need to confide in most failed me. It's over, totally over. Really over. I ain't gonna sit back and give u chance to criticize me. Gonna show you what I am made of. I want time alone.
